haters can meet me in the octagon, i say, before going oof as i take five minutes to stand up off the couch

Had my barber trim my eyebrows today, fucking long-ass eyebrows sigh

the fucking subtitles won’t work and i have no clue what the hell is going on

You kids don’t understand how popular America’s funniest home videos was for a little while in the 90s

You ever crack your back then feel 10 years younger?

I took a selfie, but then when I saw who was in it, i deleted it.

controversial, alcohol mention 

there are good IPAs

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folk’s ,, if the cia wanted to kill castro, they shoulda just invited him ova da my house for dinner!!!

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Had a nap and a Mtn Dew and I am *wired* 👾🤖🤡

The kids are alright! Fuckin better than we are!!

You don't use a password to sign into Olds.Town, you just bend over next to a microphone and the various cracks and pops serve as biometric authorization.

If you say "wow, remember THIS?! I feel so old" and it's something only as far back as when I was in high school, I get to shoot you out of a cannon

Getting my eyes examined today. Got bifocals last time but I still took them off to look at my phone most of the time so, I dunno

Most of their lyrics have not aged well at all and I know Gene Simmons is an abject piece of shit but I can't help it, spinning Kiss Alive II on the turntable still whips ass on a summer afternoon

i guess you could say my marriage “got cancelled” for being “problematic”

Anyway could i crash on your couch for a couple days? a week tops.

Food + 

Friends I placed the order for the pizza for dinner tonight, I did not think anyone would discourage me

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