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when people refer to a still illustration as a cartoon it fills me with a stupefying rage


Social Programs $200
Prisons $3,600
Cops $6,800
Military $20,730

someone who is good at the economy please help me budget this. my empire is dying

Extremely online sexuality discourse 

Extremely online sexuality discourse 

The backers on my Patreon this month, they uh... they voted and, uh... they said I have to go out in the woods and fight a bear?

Even though I named my $1 tier "I'm deathly afraid of bears" and my $5 tier "I can't go into the woods, the trees have destroyed my family" and my $10 tier "You can only stop me if you compel me to destroy myself".

fragile masculinity 

very important video of me and portia communicating (sound on)

the only bad thing about celsius is that 69F is survivable while 69C is not

β€˜so much for the tolerant left!’ i holler as i smash the mcdonalds pos with a sledgehammer

We need to stop taking England seriously as they have a tv show called gobblebox

bro 1: no matter what i try i just can’t seem to forge a connection. it feels like i’m... undateable

bro 2: man, that’s ridiculous! there’s gotta be someone out there for you

bro 1: no, you don’t understand... i am literally unable to place the date of my birth. i have no idea how old i am and it freaks people out. one time a girl got up and left me with the check after i started telling her how all the different ferns from the Cretaceous period tasted

Law and Order, alc 

I found this one irl on a dumpster at the mill-turned-artist studios where I work in a kitchen

Thought it was a "support the troops" sticker from a distance

[to the tune of Careless Whisper]

and I’m never gonna watch Star Trek

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Olds Town

No hate. No harassment. Use CWs.