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My kid just told me that I'm older than every single dog in the world, which... Sure yeah, true, but I don't need it pointed out.

@ItsJenNotGabby i have no idea what a pizookie is. Imma assume it's a sex thing. It's already too late to correct me. Good day to you.

I'm rereading Stephen Florida because why shouldn't I, and just, please read the first page of this book, I have literally made people listen to me read this aloud at parties

Y'all remember Chet Cummings?
Absolute fucking legend.

i should write a dating book for men called "just be cool for a minute, jesus christ" but i fear it may be a short book

Gross, Food, OLDS 

I once watched my grandad open up a package of hotdogs, that were *clearly* off (white slime) take one out, RINSE IT OFF IN THE SINK, and then eat it raw.

He claimed, the preservatives would keep them safe to eat long after their use-by date had come and gone.

I mean, he was fine? So...

I'm getting started on my mandatory collection of small glass jars full of random nails and screws and coins and shit.
How many distinct jars should an old man have? I'm thinking like a baker's dozen?

the best way to describe my generation is, old enough to remember waterbeds, but not old enough to have ever fucked on a waterbed

What up, OLDSTOWN?
Let's cash those pension checks and get that government cheese!

Just ordered a dang pizza.
Living the fucking dream.

Someone ask Louisa what time Lawrence Welk comes on.

Would anyone like uhhhhhh mufuckin werthers original?

Olds Town

No hate. No harassment. Use CWs.